I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
