i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
