NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
