but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
