youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
