her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
