I got chris browned last night
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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