I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
be right there i have to get my cape
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
