On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
