a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
