she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
