haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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