your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
