when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
