I puked a lego.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
