next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize