forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
