I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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