I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize