I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
