Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
