Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I could fuck to npr.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
