don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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