Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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