I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
