operation have a gay friend backfired
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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