wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you had me at cake vodka
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
