dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize