I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
