barbara walters just said penis...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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