just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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