i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
