meet me or not, i'm out of control
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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