My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Houston, we have a blender
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
