dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
