i may or may not be watching the land before time
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
