smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
