5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
the day after is always just damage control
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Two words: blizzard sex
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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