i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize