i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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