Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
