My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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