So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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