so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
