you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
