Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
