I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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