Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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