ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
