he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
