just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
