Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Randomize
