That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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