Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Two words: blizzard sex
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
