5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
