His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
