he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
