dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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