Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
