I think I am morally bankrupt
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
