Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
