I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I could fuck to npr.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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