I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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