note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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