I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I want to fling myself into the sun
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
