what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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