So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
