did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
