Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
