I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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