She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
