I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
