i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
