I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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