I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
