You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
