WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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