I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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